Where Have I Been and When Did THAT Happen?

1. iPods & MP3 players? ...I just got a DVD player (seriously).

2. 20-somethings are calling me "Ma'am"

3. I thought Keyshia Cole was Natalie Cole's daughter

4. Tyra Banks & Tyler Perry (what happened to Chris Webber?)

5. DeAngelo lost the abs?

6. Jay-Z & Damon Dash broke up?

7. The 2 black hairs under my chin and the one just below my lower lip

8. Wanting to be seen with Flavor Flav (in public or private)

9. Writing stuff down before I forget

10. Referring to the past in terms like, "...that was 15 or 20 years ago"

11. Plasma screens, HDTV, LCD, etc.

12. mySpace.com

13. Sending text messages instead of calling 900#s

14. Nip/Tuck...I didn't know you could show THAT on primetime tv!

15. Gas at $3+...I remember $.99

16. Jermaine & Janet (the question should be HOW???WHY???)

17. Having a home phone is no longer necessary

18. Lil Bow Wow is grown

19. CeeLo became Gnarles Barkley (no, i really didn't know at first)

20. Blogging

21. Kia and Hyundai making good cars

22. Kids with cell phones

Close Encounters

For some reason, I have always had close encounters with animals. Aside from the fact that I grew up in a place where it was not an uncommon occurrence to see deer in your back yard or turn over a rock and find a rattlesnake, I've had some interesting standoffs with a few friends from the wild kingdom. Maybe it happens because I have always enjoyed watching God's creatures in their natural habitats.

One day, while at Southern U., I was sitting in the car waiting for a friend to come out of the gym. Being the observer that I am, I noticed a couple of birds playing in the tree in front of me. I also noticed that one was the male and the other was the female (this kind of observatory skill only develops through watching countless hours of Marlon Perkins' "Wild Kingdom"...for those of you under 30, this was waayyyy before your time and long before the Animal Planet and Discovery Channel). Anyway, as I maintained my focus on the birds, I began to realize that they were copulating (go look it up) right before my eyes! How many times do you get to see that in real life? And, for those who still might be trying to answer the age-old question of which came first, I think I know the answer.

My aunt & uncle (Big Mama & PawPaw) had horses and cows in the pasture next to our house. I used to stand along the barbwired fence and talk to the horses. Saw them copulating as well...needless to say, that was quite different from the birds.

I've been chased by cows, covered by ants, cut tails off lizards (they keep wiggling when you cut them off, and they grow back), stung by a jellyfish, hit in the forehead by a bat (the animal, not a baseball bat), and I once ate a fly that was in my strawberry ice cream (won't eat strawberry ice cream to this day).

The strange twist to the animal encounters is that for some reason, many have chosen my vehicle as the means to an end. When I was in high school, I used to drive my daddy's Chevrolet pickup truck to school. I would stop and pick up my cousin Tam, and we would head down Hwy 151 to school. Well, it seemed like almost everyday, a bird would fly right in front of the truck and would hit on the front right corner. I'm serious. This happened at least a couple of times a week! I wouldn't tell this if I hadn't had a witness. How many times do you hit a bird in flight in your lifetime? Once maybe. I hit one weekly during my junior year. Still seems unbelievable. Never really had much of a challenge with animals after that, until I moved to Baton Rouge.

There's a raccoon who thinks that he has legal residence in my backyard. I have a motion sensor light on the back patio, and for a while, every night the light would come on. If you know anything about raccoons, they are very ornery. So, when I go to the door to look out, the raccoon is standing there looking back at me as if I'm the one who has a problem! Another night, he was on my patio table taking a bite out of my fake lemons. I waiting for the night that I look out and he's swimming in my pool. I know he's thinkin' about doin' it...I haven't seen him in a while, but I did see a victim of a drive-by on the side of the road not far from my house. Kinda wonder if it was him. I miss that raccoon in a strange way. But, not to worry, as soon as the raccoon disappeared another nocturnal creature took over. A bullfrog.

I have a couple of water features in my backyard and well...Mr. Bullfrog must have thought he was singing in the heavenly chorus. I can handle night sounds. That's all I grew up hearing. Crickets, frogs, you know.... When I was growing up we had a pond, so I know what all that sounds like. The difference is, this frog was right under my bedroom window and was so loud that I literally thought that the neighbors were gonna come into my yard and look for him themselves. This bullfrog (like all the other creatures) was very shrewd. He would make a joyful noise and serenade the community, but as soon as I opened the back door, he would be perfectly silent. As soon as the door closed, his song would start all over as if to mock me! I went looking for him, but he is very elusive and hasn't been around lately. Can't say that I miss him like I miss the raccoon. He was annoying, but something about that raccoon gave me a sense of friendly competition. There's nothing that confirms your sanity like standing in the window in the middle of the night, having a stare-down with a raccoon who is more than willing to play your game.

The first time I really ever grieved over an animal was when I hit 2 squirrels at the same time (I didn't think it were possible either). No, I didn't mean to do it. They were both confused and kept running in circles. I tried to avoid them, but it seemed like whatever direction I swerved, they would run that way. So here we are, doin' a dance, and unfortunately for the squirrels, my car had 2 left feet that day. I was broken hearted. I cried for 2 days. My friends thought it was funny that I was so disturbed about running over squirrels.

Tonight, while on my way to the store, I hit a possum (or opossum if you only know about animals from TV). He was just sitting there, staring at me. I was on a busy highway and I couldn't swerve. The only thing I could do was brace myself and try to go over the top of him, but I felt the bump. I don't have to tell you that it was not a good feeling. Kinda makes your skin crawl. So, I looked for the evidence when I was on my way back, but I didn't see him. Did he survive? Did he walk away unscathed? Did somebody stop and pick him up while he was still fresh? Who knows. What's the point of this story? Nothing really. It just seems like these strange things only happen to me. I'm not the only one who's crazy...the rest of you just won't admit it.


Gotta run...my patio light just came on. Let the games begin!

You Probably Didn't Know...

1. I grew up in a trailer on a hill in Calhoun, Louisiana. Once we got a little money, we added a house to the front so we could have more room. Still kept the wrecked Buick parked in the back yard. The grey van too. Neither worked. The story was that they were going to be used for parts...that was well over 25 years ago. My parents have long since moved to bigger and better (conveniently after I left to go to college), but I think the car and the van are still parked in the same spot.

2. My brother ran away when I was brought home from the hospital.

3. My 2 younger siblings were born at home...by choice. No, my dad is not a doctor...he just thinks he can do anything he reads about in a book.

4. I once stood in a bed of ants and had bites up to my knees. I must've been in shock cause I just couldn't move. My mother had to soak diapers with rubbing alcohol and wrap my legs up so that they could heal.

5. We had like 273 pets during my childhood. Stray dogs and cats were a way of life. We had a bird, but he flew away. My sister had a cat named Ruby. She was kinda weird...had a nervous tick or something. I had a dog named Lassie (I'll show pictures another time). We had a dog named Chuckie. He was a cross between a poodle and another odd dog. We had fish. When I was real little, we had chickens. We had reports of other wild animals. Strange "big cat" noises at night. Rumors of black bears, cougars, etc. Never actually saw one though.

6. I once swallowed a bottle of aspirin and had to get my stomach pumped. According to my brother, I had to eat bananas for a week. I don't remember any of it. To this day, I'm not sure that it's really true. Brothers do lie you know (see #7).

7. I used to think that I was adopted. (That's what my brother would tell me). It didn't help that I didn't look like anyone else. I even had a dream about who I thought was my "real" daddy.

8. A few days before I started the 3rd grade, I swallowed a nail and had to spend a few days in the hospital (it's a long story, probably worthy of it's own blog). This was also the year that I was taken out of some of my regular classes and put in Special Ed. classes because I finished my work too soon and apparently, my teachers didn't know what else to do with me.

9. When I was in 4th grade, I won the state art competition for the World's Fair (it was in New Orleans). My painting was on display at the World's Fair and my family and I won 4 tickets to Disney World as the prize!

10. The summer before the 5th grade, I discovered that I probably needed to wear deodorant for the rest of my life. In short, it was an embarrassing day.

11. It was in the 6th grade that I found out that I could sing. My 6th grade teacher, Cordia Snowden, made us audition for the choir by singing "My Country Tis of Thee" accapella. She taught me how to add "color" to my voice.

At the end of the school year (6th grade) I contracted chicken pox from my sister and developed my signature forehead scars.

Also that summer, I had my first exposure to drugs. I grew up in rural north Louisiana and except for on TV, I had never seen anything remotely related to drugs, outside of snuff or alcohol (we only had 4 channels). So, we're in Newark, New Jersey at this seedy hotel (another blog entry for another time) and I go running back to the room to show my mom what I had found in the stairway by the window....(drum roll please)....a CRACK VIAL!!! I was so excited because in the late 80s, we had just started hearing about crack on the news and here I was holding it in my hand. I'll bet no other kid in Calhoun had ever seen one of those! Wow...the glamour of the big city.

And all this before I turned 12! Oh well, that's it for now. I have 20 more years to cover, so check back later...