John Legend Makes Nutmeg Sexy

John Legend is the definition of freak in every sense of the word. If you've ever listened to his CDs or even just one song, all he sings about is sex...and mostly in very creative lyrics. Imagine my disbelief as I was sitting watching Stephen Colbert's Christmas Special and John Legend walks into the scene dressed like a park ranger. Then, he commences to sing this ode to a special holiday spice:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
A Colbert Christmas: John Legend
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Tasers

I'm speechless...and suddenly craving some egg nog...heavy on the nutmeg please.

Sheikh Shakes Down Michael Jackson for $7M

Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa is seeking $7 million from the embattled singer at London's Royal Courts of Justice.

Lawyers for Al Khalifa say the money was intended as an advance on a joint recording project. Jackson, however, claims the cash was a gift.

David Sherborne, representing Al Khalifa, says the case would mainly hinge on the nature of Jackson's friendship with the sheikh. (source)

You just can't make this stuff up. The jokes write themselves. Who gives away 7 million dollars Michael? Huh? What in the world did YOU give up to make you think that the cash was a gift? You know what...don't answer that. It would just be TMI at this point.

It's Been a Long Time...

...sorry, it's been so long. Hopefully this makes up for it.

Keison Wilkins, a 33 year old man on trial for various charges including felonious assault, felon in possession of a weapon and firing a gun into a habitation was sentenced to 42 years in jail. But not without a week of crackpot drama, including the video above where Wilkins faked a heart attack to stall the proceedings.

(Spotted over at C&D)

BUSTED! Police Walk in on a Baton Rouge Man Trying to Have Sex with a Dog

If my nieces are reading this, turn off the computer and go play xbox or something for a few minutes.

For everyone else, (hang on, I'm putting on Atomic Dog as the background soundtrack to this story) here's what happened (I'll try to give the less graphic version. If you want all the details, click here):

While attempting to serve a warrant Wednesday, U.S. marshals stumbled upon a man having sex with one of his dogs in his backyard. Alex Chaney, a 46-year old sex offender, clad in only a white T-shirt and black slippers, was standing in front of a chair where a brown and white dog was standing, the affidavit says. Marshals observed Chaney try to [teach Fifi the Kama Sutra].

In his statement to deputies, Chaney said that he woke up that morning with the urge to have sex. He then made himself a cup of coffee before going into the backyard, where he began to think about having sex with animals.

Chaney was arrested and booked on a count of crimes against nature, booking documents show. Bond was set at $80,000.

The moral of the story: The urge to have sex combined with fresh brewed coffee could cost you $80,000.

There were so many jokes that I wanted to throw in, but in the interest of good taste I'll allow you to use your imagination. Watch the news VIDEO.

(Thx 4 the email LW)

Once You Go Barack...

This afternoon on the radio, I heard some rumblings about an offensive Barack Obama Assassination exhibit that was in New York across the street from the New York Times entrance. I did a little investigating and if you haven't heard or seen it here's what it's all about:

[On June 4th] A Boston-born performance artist, Yazmany Arboleda, tried to set up a provocative art exhibition in a vacant storefront on West 40th St. in Midtown Manhattan with the title, “The Assassination of Hillary Clinton/The Assassination of Barack Obama,” in neatly stenciled letters on the plate glass windows at street level. By 9:30 a.m., New York City police detectives and Secret Service agents had shut down the exhibition, and building workers had quickly covered over the inflammatory title with large sheets of brown paper and blue masking tape. The gallery is across the street from the southern entrance to The New York Times building.

Arboleda, who is 27, said in an interview: “It’s art. It’s not supposed to be harmful. It’s about character assassination — about how Obama and Hillary have been portrayed by the media.” He added, “It’s about the media.” “The exhibition is supposed to be about character assassination. It’s philosophical and metaphorical.” (source)

Check it out. What do you think about "art" imitating life?

The Assassination of Barack Obama

The Assassination of Hillary Clinton

New Orleans Man Arrested with Diaper Full of Heroin

Officers said they patted down Frank Keys Jr. and found he was wearing a diaper. When asked if there was anything in the diaper, officers said Keys nodded his head.

Okay, stop right there. The visual of this whole ordeal is cracking me up. So, if you were the officer, what would be your next course of action to investigate the dirty diaper?

a) sniff test b) touch test c) strip search

According to court documents, St. John Parish deputies near Laplace, La. stopped a white Hyundai Sonata for a moving violation and searched it with a K9 that gave a positive alert on the passenger side of the vehicle.

Police said they discovered 257 grams of heroin in Keys’ diaper. (source)

So the next time you overhear your cousins Terrell and Dayshawn volunteering to go to Wal-Mart to buy Granny some Depends, you'll know to go ahead and place a courtesy call to CrimeStoppers and collect your reward money.

A Terrorist Fist Jab?

Fox News needs to be held accountable for the reckless, inflammatory nature of their reporting under the guise of "fair & balanced." On Friday, an anchor at Fox News teased an upcoming segment on:

"the gesture everyone seems to interpret differently," Fox News' E.D. Hill said: "A fist bump? A pound? A terrorist fist jab? ... We'll show you some interesting body communication and find out what it really says."

In the ensuing discussion with a "body language expert," Hill referred to the "Michelle and Barack Obama fist bump or fist pound," but at no point did she explain her earlier reference to "a terrorist fist jab." (source)

During the segment, Hill hosted Janine Driver to facilitate a discussion on the meaning or the message behind the pound. All this as if to suggest that the Obamas are communicating in some underground, sinister language that only they can decipher and if elected, the United States will be held captive by the terrorist fist jabbers led by Barack and Michelle Obama.

Why would a network waste time and money hiring a "body language expert" to come on the air and analyze a commonly practiced gesture? Because they are continually trying to plant fear into the minds of people and I believe that the network and the anchor should be held accountable for continual blatant abuse of first amendment privileges. Insinuating that a presidential candidate and his wife are terrorists is not an off-the-cuff remark nor is it a teleprompter typo. It was well thought out and purposely used to reel people's attention into the frivolous and baseless segment. This was a despicable display of the lowest form of journalism. I hope that people can finally see what Fox News is all about.

Fox News and E.D. Hill need to be charged with terrorism (the systematic use of fear especially as a means of coercion). This is completely unacceptable.

Click here to sign a petition to demand an apology. You can also send emails and call them here:

Roger Ailes Chairman and Chief Executive Officer,FOX News Channel
1211 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10036
Tel: (212) 301-3000Fax: (212) 301-4229 (Newsroom)
E-mail: roger.ailes@foxnews.com

E.D. Hill Anchor, FOX News Live
Tel: (212) 301-3000Fax: (212) 301-8274
Email: e.d.hill@foxnews.com

Jesus Needs to Start Packing Pepper Spray

In the words of Mary Magdeline as she discovered Jesus' body missing from the tomb, "Sir, where have you taken him?! Where have you taken my lord?!"

You know times are really hard when people steal from the church, right? Well Jesus must be coming back tomorrow cause somebody decided that they needed to steal his body right off the cross on the side of a church. Yep, an 8 foot version of Jesus was stolen and there are no witnesses. (read story on CNN.com)

Allow me to ponder for a moment. Imagine that you are sitting around with a few friends. Maybe drinking a little. Maybe indulging in an herbal remedy. And let's say you or one of your friends has a bright idea. "Hey, let's go down to the Church of the Messiah and snatch Jesus' body and hold it for ransom." Everyone makes eye contact, then silently nods "yes" in unison.

Are you still with me? Okay, so now you've found a ladder and a pickup truck. You proceed over to the church and begin to snatch the Lord's image off the side of the building and load it into the back of the truck. Now what do you do with this 8 foot tall faux-copper statue of Jesus? You hang out with him like those kids do on the Quaker Oats commercials! Play tug of war, and go fishing and stuff. You're bound to win if he's on your team, right?

People have too much time on their hands.

Dead Woman Awakes After Rigor Mortis

Doctors are calling Val Thomas a medical miracle. They said they can't explain how she is alive.

They said Thomas suffered two heart attacks and had no brain waves for more than 17 hours. At about 1:30 a.m. Saturday, her heart stopped and she had no pulse. A respiratory machine kept her breathing and rigor mortis had set in, doctors said.

"Her skin had already started to harden and her fingers curled. Death had set in," said son Jim Thomas. "She had no neurological function," said Dr. Kevin Eggleston. Her family said goodbye and doctors removed all the tubes. However, Thomas was kept on a ventilator a little while longer as an organ donor issue was discussed.

Ten minutes later the woman woke up and started talking.

Excerpts from WEWS Cleveland newsnet 5.com. Read news story and watch video here.

Still Breastfeeding a Seven Year Old

Um...yeah. That's what I said. I just spotted this over at News Bloggers on AOL.

A 2006 British documentary called Extraordinary Breastfeeding profiles a mother who (with the full support of her husband) decided to breastfeed her children until THEY were ready to wean off. The oldest daughter has fond memories of mom's milk, saying that it was "sweet...better than mangoes, even."

Even though this mother is probably biologically on target, we have been so cultured away from breastfeeding that I kept feeling like I was watching child porn. I would love to see some medical testing done on these kids to see if their immune systems and bones are stronger than children who are breastfed for a shorter time.

The human body biologically expects to breastfeed for up to about seven years of age ~ the universal age for losing the milk teeth. There is so much anthropological and scientific evidence to show that this is what our body needs and expects, regardless of the culture, climate, race or status we are born into.

"If we were meant to drink crap from a can, milk from the udder of a cow, goat, camel or horse, then we'd have been born to those animals rather than a mammalian human." (source)

Appeals Court Rules Polygamy Raid Was Illegal

I'm not surprised at all...and I completely agree. I believe that there were significant holes in the whole case and some things didn't make sense to me in the first place.

1). There was a cell phone call from a 16 year old reporting abuse. Okay, again I ask the question how did a child get access to a cell phone inside a camp with no access to the outside world and where did she get a phone number to call directly to the reported hotline?

2). An early report stated that there was a government agent who had been planted into the sect for something like 4 years. This fact was never discussed again in later reports. If there was in insider, why did the government wait four years to take action?

3). How is it legal for a law enforcement agency to raid a "neighborhood" or "gated community" because a 16 year old makes a telephone call alleging abuse? Think about it. If a 16 year old in your neighborhood called police and said she was being abused and so were many of the other children on her street, would the police block your street off and start loading your kids up on buses? No. They would have to come in and do a house-by-house investigation and prove misconduct. Furthermore, they would need a warrant in order to seize and remove your children, right?

Anyway, this mess is stinking. The appeals court has ruled that the Texas Child Protective Services overstepped their boundaries and according to CNN.com, they have 10 days to vacate an order placing the children in state custody (I'm not exactly sure what that means). They completely violated the parental rights and took a "moral" stance against FLDS. This whole thing had nothing to do with the children's rights or safety. It was about taking down another "cult" by whatever means necessary and violating freedom to practice whatever religion one chooses.

Thank God the FLDS didn't decide to stand off. There would have been unnecessary bloodshed and Waco all over again at the hands of an overzealous government.

God Bless America.

I'm Not A Monster...I Just Play One on TV

Incestuous daddy grandpa Josef Fritzl is not happy about his new found infamy.

Fritzl's lawyer, Rudolf Mayer, said his client had access to a television in jail and was closely watching coverage of his case, which has garnered worldwide attention.

Mayer said Fritzl was bothered by the fact that he was being made out to be a monster. He said Fritzl told him, "I'm only being portrayed as a monster and not as someone who committed monstrous acts."

Huh? Could you repeat that last part?

"I'm only being portrayed as a monster and not as someone who committed monstrous acts."

Okay Josef (with an 'F'), maybe you thought you were watching a Lifetime movie. You saw the same dude on TV that we're seeing and that guy is YOU! It's not a portrayal, it's a presentation of the facts. That's like a rapist saying "I'm only being portrayed as a rapist and not as someone who committed rape."

Since you seem to be having an identity crisis, let's try this:

monster - Pronunciation: \ˈmän(t)-stər\
Function: noun
1 a: an animal or plant of abnormal form or structure b: one who deviates from normal or acceptable behavior or character

2: a threatening force

3 a: an animal of strange or terrifying shape b: one unusually large for its kind

4: something monstrous; especially : a person of unnatural or extreme ugliness, deformity, wickedness,or cruelty

5: one that is highly successful

Let me give you a quick 4-point argument that supports the monster definition:

~ First of all playa, you had 7 children by your own daughter. (See definition #1 & 2)

~ Secondly, you kept her and the kids locked in an underground dungeon for 24 years. (See definition #1, 2, 4, & 5)

~ Thirdly, have you seen your mug shot? A picture's worth a thousand words. You have an eerie resemblance to the Grinch and he's the meanest guy we know. (See definition #1, 2, 3 & 4)

~ Fourth, you put paper stars on the walls in the dungeon. What kind of cruel person puts paper stars on the walls?! That's just sick man...sick! Those kids had never even seen real stars before or sunlight for that matter! (See definition #4)

Okay, so maybe I only had 3 valid points. I threw the last one in there just for dramatic effect. I was on a roll. Forgive me, though it was true, that was not a good point.

Anyway, the investigation continues in this case that has grabbed headlines around the world.


Oh, and by the way, Fritzl has not yet been charged. (source)



Happy hump day.

PETA Wants KY Derby Jockey Suspended

Can PETA please go sit down somewhere? Here's a recap of the events of the Kentucky Derby in case you haven't heard. Eight Belles, the filly who won second place, crossed the finish line and then collapsed on the track with both her front ankles broken. Because her injuries were so extensive, she had to be euthanized right on the track (read full story here)

Enter PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). According to SportsIllustrated.com:

PETA faxed a letter Sunday to Kentucky's racing authority claiming the filly was "doubtlessly injured before the finish" and asked that Saez [20-year old Panamanian jockey Gabriel Saez] be suspended while Eight Belles' death is investigated.

"What we really want to know, did he feel anything along the way?" PETA spokeswoman Kathy Guillermo said. "If he didn't then we can probably blame the fact that they're allowed to whip the horses mercilessly."

*sigh*

I would really be impressed with PETA if they were showing up in the hood, but you only see them during high profile, Hollywood type situations. Pets on the block are the ones really suffering. Why don't they come and fit all the 3 legged project dogs with prosthetics and donate big money to research to find a cure for mangy cats with hairballs? What about all the chickens running around at the car lot on Sherwood...is that ethical? Huh PETA?!

Yeah, I'll Take That In Small Bills Please.

A 21-year old Ft. Worth, Texas man was arrested trying to cash a $360 BILLION dollar check. That is not a typo...I said a $360,000,000,000.00 - wait...wait - CHECK!


This fool wrote HIMSELF a stolen check for $360B so he could start a record label! I'm too through.

Police arrested Charles Fuller last week when bank tellers noticed the ridiculously large amount and called the woman whose name was on the check. Police said they found 2 ounces of marijuana and a gun in his pockets when they arrested him, so he also faces charges for unlawfully carrying a weapon and possession of marijuana.

Click here to watch news footage.

Keeping it in the Family

DNA testing has proved that an Austrian man has fathered 6 children by his own daughter. According to CNN.com, 73-year old Josef Fritzl kept his now 42-year old daughter imprisoned under his home for 24 years. The man's wife had NO IDEA that a whole other family was living in a dungeon in her basement. There was a seventh child who died shortly after birth.

The children are 19, 18, 15, 14, 12 and 6.

Here's the timeline:

1977: Elisabeth Fritzl claims she was first abused by her father Josef when she was 11 years old.

1984: Elisabeth is allegedly lured into the cellar of her house and drugged and handcuffed by her father. She is forced to write letters saying she has run away from home.

1988: Her first child, Kerstin, is born.

1989: Elisabeth gives birth to her first son, Stefan.

1993: A baby, nine-month-old Lisa, is left on the doorstep of the Fritzl house, with a letter asking Josef and his wife Rosemarie to look after her.

1994: Another child, Monika, arrives with another similar note and is adopted by the Fritzls.

1996: Elisabeth gives birth to twins, but one dies after three days. Josef allegedly burnt the body.

1997: Alexander, the surviving twin, is moved upstairs to join rest of family.

2003: Another letter from Elisabeth arrives saying she had a second son, Felix, the previous year. he is also raised in the cellar.

2008:
April 19: Kerstin is taken to hospital after falling serious ill, and doctors discover that her grandfather is in fact her father.

April 20-27: Josef releases Elisabeth along with Stefan and Felix and tells wife they have chosen to return home.

April 26: Police pick up Josef and Elisabeth near the Amstetten hospital where Kerstin is being treated.

April 27: Josef admits his guilt following Elisabeth's statement.

April 28: Police search the family's house and discover cramped cellar with special security door.

April 29: Josef Fritzl appears in court.

Elisabeth told police that only her father supplied her and her children with food and clothing, and that she did not think her mother, Rosemarie, knew anything about their situation.

Police continued to question Josef Fritzl and he led police to the underground cellar on Sunday. A day later, he confessed to raping his daughter, keeping her and their children in captivity, and burning the body of the dead infant in an oven in the house. The retired electrical engineer faces a possible 15 years in prison if charged and convicted of rape.

Ohio State Troopers Disciplined for Klu Klux Klan Photo

Yes, in 2008, 3 Ohio state troopers based in Sandusky, Ohio (been there, Cedar Point amusement park is fun, fun, fun! the roller coasters are crazy!!!) have been disciplined for taking a picture of one of the troopers dressed in a makeshift KKK outfit. The troopers claim that they were imitating a Dave Chappelle comedy sketch where he portrays a Black, White supremacist (which by the way, is hilarious, but so inappropriate and just plain dumb for officers of the law to duplicate on the job!).

Let me point out that the 3 officers are white men, and Dave Chappelle is a black man who was mocking the Klan. Sure, the 3 officers have the right to mockkk the klan too, except this was done as a joke on the eve of the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday after the troopers had had a discussion about the holiday. None of the 13 troopers assigned to the Sandusky post are black.

They are too grown for this foolishness. I guess they'll have an emergency diversity training class in Sandusky soon. If they need a trainer I'll go if they'll give me a free pass to Cedar Point.

*waves hands like on rollercoaster*

Read the full story here.

Pennsylvania Woman Killed Over Dirty Dishes

The badly decomposed body of a 64-year old Philadelphia woman was found by her son and brother on Friday, in the corner of her bedroom, tightly wrapped in linens. Investigators estimate that she had been there for 3 or 4 days.

The woman's 20-year old roommate, who had just moved in a few weeks ago, has been arrested for murdering the elderly woman over an argument about dirty dishes.

I have dirty dishes in my sink right now, and I don't feel like washing them. I'm glad I don't have a roommate.

(source)

Here's the news footage from the local CBS affiliate:

Steaming Hot Cat Poo Coffee Only $100 a Shot

So you say you're not a morning person? Too high class for the "cheap" coffee at the local Starbucks? Are you a coffee connoisseur, always searching for the richest, most aromatic, most exotic bean the world has to offer? Then look no more...

The Peter Jones store in London is now brewing Caffé Raro - one of the world's rarest and most premium coffees. Caffé Raro combines Jamaican Blue Mountain and Kupi Luwak, two extremely rare coffees. (source & videos)

The beans of Kupi Luwak are harvested after being ingested (yes - ingested, digested, and expelled) by civet cats, and only about 260 kilos (about 573 pounds) of the coffee is produced each year.

"The cats select the best beans to chew. It's rather like a natural filtering process," said Carie Barkhuzen, a spokeswoman for the upmarket store in London's upmarket Sloane Square.

The coffee, which went on sale Thursday, is available at $100 for a shot at the Peter Jones Espresso Bar, or shoppers can buy 100g (3.5-ounce) packs of the coffee beans to take away for the same price.

Get it while it's hot [pun intended].

Polygamy Teens Forced to Have Sex in the Temple

I'm really tired of talking about this foolishness. This whole thing is a tangled nest that will unravel for years to come. I think this will be my last post about it.

Anyway, the business at the polygamy compound in ElDorado, Texas gets more uncomfortable. The details of the lifestyle of the camp are being made public and it's not a pretty picture:

Teenage girls were required to have sex in the temple immediately after they were married. There's a bed in the temple (yes, one little nasty bed for all those people) where males over 17 are to have sex with girls under 17. Agents report that the bed had disturbed linens and what appeared to be a female hair (I guess the hair was long enough to assume it belonged to a girl). They've found marriage records for girls as young as 12 and 13 to older men. Births among teens. A 16-year old with 4 children. About a dozen children with chicken pox. Kids don't really know who their parents are - claiming multiple mothers or don't know at all. And on top of all that, authorities are still not sure whether they have the girl who made the original call in protective custody.

Now, stepping outside of the obvious tragedy of this situation and my personal beliefs, let me pose a question. Would we be outraged if this scene was taking place in the jungles of South America or the mountains of New Guinea or in the African bush? We all know that polygamy is tradition in other cultures and based on some of the episodes that I've seen on the Discovery Channel and the Travel Channel, not all of the girls are overjoyed about their lifestyle either. Many are forced into marriage with men they have never met. They become young brides and often the victims of abuse and rape. I'm sure if they had access to cell phones and rescue hotlines, they would be trying to get out of there, just like the 16-year old who blew the whistle on the Texas sect. In indigenous cultures, boys become men at puberty and girls become women (and eligible for marriage and childbearing) at puberty. Why are we so comfortable with this way of life in other cultures (even sitting down with family members to watch repeatedly), but outraged by it in Texas? Is it because we consider indigenous cultures uncivilized? Don't throw stones at me, it's just something to think about as we freely toss our morality around. I'm not saying that it's right, just making an observation on our sense of justice.

What do you think?

Louisiana Man Cuts Grass in a Skirt...Doctor's Orders!

Ordinances against exposure of genitalia or underwear primarily due to the sagging pants style have popped up all over Louisiana. In the small town of Clinton, near Baton Rouge, a man named Jay Herrod has a very personal problem with the enforcement of the ordinance (story).

Mr. Herrod has a lawn cutting service and due to a medical condition (heat rash) he has doctor's orders to wear a skirt at all times during the summer. This means that Jay sports his mini while on the lawnmower as well as running errands around town. The skirt is not that big a deal, but when the wind blows or when Jay is sitting on his mower, his underwear is exposed which is in direct violation of the city's ordinance.

Herrod's customers don't mind his uniform. "He cuts the yard in a hurry, does a good job. I don't have any problems. That's what I was interested in. Don't pay attention to what he wears," says Carline Kimbro, "I don't really get fired up about it. And I don't see any reason for anyone else to. If you don't like it, don't look."

From time to time, Herrod's skirt does fly up, but Herrod says he dresses this way for a reason, and he should be the exception to that ordinance. "One doctor told me the only thing for me to do was wear a skirt....Allows that area to breathe and wearing skirt on mower allows sweat to evaporate."

Yes indeed. Please check out the video. The article just can't tell it all.

photos by: Josh Meeks/WAFB-TV